homeless

feeling homeless in my house
feeling lonely in my family
suffering hate
resurrecting anger
that's what I know
by being a homeless in my house

home isn't building
home is somewhere my family, our family, should be in gathering together
fulfilling heart with love
hugging soul with security
telling the story of the world with faith
nothing disbelieve
nor betrayal
cos home is the place that every human soul looking for
the place that makes us complete

that's why I feel homeless
I have lost a home for my self, my mind, my heart, and my soul
I need love erasing hate in my heart
a hate to betrayal
a hate for losing sense of belonging to this family
a hate to LIE
a hate causing a pain of losing something which would've been one thing
that made me complete
made us complete
made this family complete

that feel ended in sacrificing
a sacrifice of a man's need, my need
need of a role model that teach how to maintain a family
maintaining bond of love in the family
need of a lesson how to trust, care, respect, and protect somebody
in a love frame
need of taking and giving love
loving and being loved
because at the end
the thing that really matter...is love

but there must be a pay from a sacrifice
a pay comes from my hope
hope comes from the way how I understand the pain of losing a home
a hope to create my own family, my own home
home that isn't big one
but warm one
that isn't costly
but softly
home that full of trust, love, faith, and empathy
home that can be a 'home' for the soul of the family
then
everything will seem perfect
-----------------------------------------------------19 juli 2007, kala mendengar berita itu--

Honestly, this was written when I hear something, and when I read this, I feel Scared. Scared with myself.how could I write this all? was it 'something' in myself exploding a mix of hate, anger, cry, hope, and all other miscellaneous things from my heart and mind?was it me with some stuff of algorithm from logical mind?but there are about feeling, irrational thing that rationalize the way human act.actually, I don't know.but surely,my heart felt comfort when I finished it.....